A while ago, one of my YouTube subscribers asked me to recommend a cigar for after sex. I thought he was being dirty, but I answered him anyway, because I’m that type of girl (yeah, go ahead and judge). Now, here it is months later and I’m on the balcony smoking a Kill Bill, and for some odd reason, I began to pair cigars and sex. Yes, I know, how do you pair that? Well my friend, you pair it accordingly. How was the sex? How long do you want to stick around? Are you smoking alone? Was it the type that wore your ass out, or the type that motivates you to be productive? You see, all of these questions matter. Allow me to explain.

The Mind Blowing sex:

The wind has recently been knocked from your body. In fact, you may be in total shock. “Did that shit really just happen? Did I just experience the best sex of my life? Am I in the movie Inception?  Where the fuck is my totem? Should I pay her, thank her, or cry?” These are the questions that you may ask yourself. Because of that, your body cannot handle a full body cigar, hell, you may not even feel like getting out of bed, but you have to. Why? Well, because you’re a cigar smoker, and also because you want to look like a G. You cannot lay there and cuddle like a panzy… you would likely start to say things you don’t mean, think too far ahead into the future, or worse, fall asleep, and give him/her (or better, her/her) the satisfaction of knowing that they just waxed that ass to sleep. Here are some smokes that will allow you to maintain your dignity and cool.

• Davidoff Entreacto – its short, medium bodied, and good. You don’t want to over due it, so stay away from anything over petite size. This will allow you to recap, focus, and plan your next move.
• Davidoff Perfecto – if you’re worried about your manhood, and the Entreacto is too feminine for the occasion, go with the Perfecto, its bigger (that’s what she said), but still medium bodied, and still a quick smoke.

The Makeup Sex:

This is a difficult situation. You don’t know if you want to rekindle, or call it quits, but none of that matters right now because you just had sex, and it was likely good. You need a robusto for this my friend, and you need one quick. Why? Because you need to put on your thinking cap on before you speak. Reflect a little. The strength of the cigar does not matter here, what you need is time.

• La Aurora Preferido – this is a good ass cigar. For me, it’s about a 45 min smoke, if you need more time…
• La Riqueza – again, great cigar, but this one takes a bit longer to smoke. Think my friend, and think hard, you will likely have to have “the talk” when you go back in.

Spending the Night:

If you’re spending the night, this should be a pleasant and worry free smoke. Smoke good my friend.

• Padron 1926 Principe – this little guy is full of flavor, definitely full body, but hey, you’re in a great frame of mind. Make sure you eat a little something though. If you’re a woman, fix him a sandwich. Guys love sandwiches. A good one though, like all the toppings and shit, tons of meat (that’s what she said) and do a pickle or some chips on the side. After he’s finished, bring him a beer. Guaranteed you are one step closer to him loving you.

WTF Sex:

You can’t even believe what just happened. That shit sucked, you can’t get out of there fast enough. Whether you’re leaving immediately (douchebag, but I understand) or you’re trying to give the impression of courteousness (you’re better than me), you will need a strong cigar for this.

• La Palina Kill Bill – I was somewhat hesitant in recommending this one because the flavor profile is something you need to pay attention too, but you’re likely not in the mood. I understand. At any rate, its strong as shit, it’s a mean smoke, fits the mood.
• Tatuaje Petite Cazadore – if you don’t want to waist a Kill Bill (they’re a bit pricey, and you may not have the attention to denote), the cazadore is perfect. Solid everyday smoke, not too expensive, good, but nothing you should feel bad for not paying attention too.

Dual Smoke:

If your friend smokes cigars, cool, you’ll know what he/she likes. If they don’t however, but just want to be near you, make sure you have dud, or at least something that you won’t feel like you’re wasting.

• Fuente Exquisito – this is a great chick smoke. She’ll like this because it’s small and cute.
• Onyx Reserve – this is great for guys. If you’re a cigar smoking girl, do not give your male friend a cigar that’s smaller than yours! His ego can’t handle it, even though he doesn’t smoke. The Onyx is cheap, a respectable size, and he won’t know whether it’s good or bad.

So yeah, that’s about it guys… pretty sure there’s a lot more situations to pair cigars with, lol, but those are the most common. Hopefully everyone is experiencing the mind-blowing sex today because it’s fucking Sexual Wednesday! Go and do something strange for a piece of change. Kidding… not everybody get’s down how I live, lol, kidding again (or am I?). Smoke good my friends;)

One of my YouTube subscribers recently asked if I could recommend any good smokes in the $2 to $3 price range… Honestly, I thought I could, but after scouring both my desktop and my cabinet humidor, I’ve figured out that most of my sticks range between $8 and $12:( For the most part, I smoke premiums. On a positive note, that will make this blog incredibly valuable, because the sticks that have made it to this list, made it due to their taste, not their cost. In other words, they’re phenomenal smokes that just so happen to be inexpensive, not inexpensive cigars that I’ve grown to like. Big difference!!!

Alright, now before we move on, keep location in mind. The following prices are how much I pay at Emerson’s Cigars. Now Emerson’s doesn’t sell singles online, but they do offer a lot of brands in 5 packs and 10 packs.

So here it is… smoked, and smoked again, there’s not a single cigar on this list that I’ve smoked less than 30 times, lol. I didn’t go into tasting notes or anything, just a simple line up. Leave a comment, or send me a tweet and let me know if you’ve smoked any, and if so, what your thoughts were.

Tatuaje Petite Cazadores

Size: 4 x 40

Wrapper: Connecticut Broadleaf

Tobacco: Nicaraguan

Price: $4.5

Fuente Exquisitos

Size: 4 ½ x 33

Wrapper: Maduro

Tobacco: Dominican

Price: $2.5

Casa Magna Pekito

Size: 4 ¾ x 42

Wrapper: Nicaraguan

Tobacco: Nicaraguan

Price: $4.5

Padron Corticos

Size:  4 ¼ x 35

Wrapper: Maduro

Tobacco: Nicaraguan

Price: $3

Alec Bradley Sun Grown Corona

Size: 5 ½ x 42

Wrapper: Habano

Tobacco: Nicaraguan

Price: $4

If you’ve ever pondered the meaning of life, I suggest smoking Tatuaje’s Baby Face. This cigar is so fucking good that I seriously feel like its Christmas is in my mouth. Really hard for me to smoke slow on this one… and I’m not a fast smoker by any means. For those of you who regularly follow my blogs, video’s, Instagram photo’s, or Twitter ramblings, you know how much I rave about Padron—well look, all I’m saying is, Tatuaje is slowly but surely honing in on that throne, lol. I find that Pete Johnson’s approach to cigars suites my palate like it was made for me.

I have never, and I repeat, never, had a Tatuaje that wasn’t badass. And because I don’t fancy smoking the same stick repeatedly, I really appreciate his line. He’s always coming out w/new stuff and changing it up. He caters heavily to the new era of cigar smokers.

Fifteen years ago, smokers were white, middle class, if not wealthy, white men. Just being honest. Now, a cigar smoker can be anyone; and that’s perhaps, the most enjoyable aspect of it all. You can be in a lounge talking to a forklift driver, a yacht salesmen, or an unemployed cook. And the icing on the cake is how everyone, for that moment, can put aside class differences, race, gender, and lifestyle. This my friends, is the meaning of life.

Back to Pete, a lot of people give him shit for his marketing tactics regarding the Monster series… well, guess what, it’s a damn business. I love it. Who doesn’t want what other people don’t have? We all like the chase, the thrill, and most importantly, the bragging rights. Believe me, I’ll be phoning up the 13 “unlucky” retailers, confirming that they do indeed have the “dress boxes,” and then scouring my contacts to see what friends I have nearest those locations, lol, (assuming there isn’t one within driving distance). I think Tatuaje has brought a lot of creativity and fun to the cigar industry. Oh yeah, just to give you a heads up, I’ll be reviewing each of the Little Monsters in full “dress” (costume) and putting the videos out for the month of October, lol… so rest well tonight knowing that in a few months, you can see some crazy bitch on YouTube in a slutty mummy costume smoking a cigar, lol.

Quick Review:

Length – 4 3/8

Ring Gauge – 50

Wrapper Origin – Mexico

Wrapper Leaf Type – San Andres

Wrapper Color – Maduro

Binder – Nicaraguan

Filler – Nicaraguan

Strength – Medium to Full Body

Appearance: Slightly rough looking, and small, delicate veins; the Baby Face has an edgy look to it. You’ll also notice that the cigar band looks to be more of a torn piece of Connecticut wrapper, than a traditional band. It acts a part of the cigar and is not something to be taken off; so yes, you can smoke it. The foot of the cigar is also covered.

Draw: Immaculate. Not effortless, and not overly firm.

Flavor Profile: Immediate campfire smokiness to it, which later merged w/a roasted cocoa…

Retrohale: Smokey

Ash – Holds about an inch

Burn – Slow, stayed lit, and even… veered a bit at the midpoint but got back on track

Overall: This is a phenomenal smoke! I really like the smaller size because I think it allows for a greater appreciation of the flavors. The MSRP of the sampler was $75 for 10 sticks… putting each cigar at about $7.5, which is a great price per stick. I will definitely smoke this cigar again, and highly recommend it to anyone who can get there hands on it.

I’ve always wondered why tea and cigar pairings were never as popular as say, scotch and cigars. Obviously there’s no alcohol in tea, but it should be to cigars in the morning, as scotch is to cigars in the evening.  Leaves of the tea plant and leaves of the tobacco plant, kinda seems like an instant yet. For some reason though, coffee has always been more of the norm for breakfast stogies. Now coffee is great too, but you definitely don’t get the diversity of flavor, aroma, and various caffeine levels.

When most people think of tea, they probably think of Lipton—the disgusting concoction of tea dust and leaf remains. You will never see a full leaf in Lipton, or most other bagged teas… although, I will admit that store bought tea is making a turn around. The advent of the pyramid bag has made it possible to get some decent tasting tea from your local grocery store. Nevertheless, thinking of Lipton, Stash, Tazo,, or any other popularized shelved teas, when considering the delicious little plant, is like thinking of a Black & Mild’s when you think of cigars. Yes my friend… it’s that cringe worthy.

My absolute favorite tea would have to be chai! I’m not talking about that syrupy sweet, concentrated milk mess served up at Starbucks either. I mean, traditional Indian chai. The spices and flavor profile that goes into an authentic cup of chai is unparalleled. Cardamom, ginger, nutmeg, fennel, cloves, cinnamon, honey… these are all typical ingredients in real chai. Using black tea as the base, you can drink it w/or without milk. It’s seriously amazing! I suggest it to most newcomers because it does have somewhat of sweet profile, but certainly not domineering, so it’s a nice transition into the world of tea.

My next video is going to feature a tea and cigar pairing. I think if more people were introduced to the vastness of tea, black, green, rooibis, oolong, herbal, and white, they’d see that there’s a lot more to it than the sick dust bags you find at Walmart.

Aficionado: Thinks he knows about all things cigar because he gets a magazine each month and spends more time reading about etiquette than smoking. No one takes the fun out of smoking like this tool.

What you will hear:

Aficionado: “…you’re actually supposed to blow the first puff out through the cigar in order to avoid unsavory flavors such as sulfur from matches or gasses from lighters.”

“I believe it was Frued who said, “sometimes a cigar is just a cigar,” (insert pretentious laugh).”

Poser: Doesn’t smoke cigars but tries to act like he does.

What you will hear:

Poser: Walks into humidor and after browsing the entire selection as if he knows what he’s looking for, asks, “so, what do you recommend?”

Guy in the humidor: “oh, I don’t know, what do you smoke?”

Poser: “…it’s been a while, surprise me.”

“…this is going to look great on my LinkedIn page.”

Wise Guy: A smoking bomb couldn’t draw more attention to this loudmouth 1930’s Italian gangster imitator.

What you will hear:

…a highly forced NY/Italian accent with grossly exaggerated vernacular that sounds as though it could have come from “A Bronx Tale.” Likes to talk about all the locked up or dead gangsters he was once affiliated with because he knows they can’t tackle his ass for lying.

“Back in the day when it was just me and Louie…”

Storyteller: No matter what you say, this guy is going to top your story.

What you will hear:

Regular guy: “…went to Nicaragua last month and toured a few tobacco fields, brought back some really good smokes too.”

Storyteller: “…yeah, I go to Nicaragua every summer. A buddy of mine is actually friends with the Padron family. I met ‘em a few times, they’re good people.”

“How long do we have to listen to this guy’s bullshit?”

Chimney: The cigarette/cigar smoker. S/he can go from a Toro to Newport with no transition. Literally smokes anything with tobacco in it, and every time you see him/her it will be the same thing:

What you will hear:

Chimney: “…yeah, I gotta lay off the cigarettes. I’m trying to quite but my job you know.”

“Cocaine is a hell of a drug.”

Cuban Link: Something like Chimney but worse… this guy (girls are infamous for this one too) will go through an entire pack of cigarettes before you finish your Robusto. He/she has no interest in cigars but loves lounges because it’s the only place left to smoke.

What you will see:

Chain smoking… and if desperate enough, yup, you guessed it:

“…let me take a hit off that cigar, will ya?”

Tigress: Looking for a fat cat… preferably one approaching death. While this breed is rare, they’re known to inhabit the northern part of the U.S.

What you will see:

…often times you won’t. You’ll mistakenly assume her to be another customer, but be on the lookout for these signs.

• Only smokes cigarillos/cigarettes
• Frequents high end cigar lounges
• The most vicious ones are solo hunters
• If in a group, the others will be related, but of a weaker bloodline.
• Attractive

“Oh, yeah… I’ve been to Club Macanudo a few times.”

Bobcat: Distant relative of the Tigress… similar agenda but lacks experience. Not as stealthy and easily recognizable. This animal poses minimal danger and is quite impressionable.

“…I don’t have time for dates and shit. I’m just trying to make rent.”

Churchill: Intentionally smokes the biggest cigars in the humidor because they garner the most attention.

What you will see:

Churchill: …smoking a dumb ass cigar looking to see who’s watching him.

“…this isn’t the only stick I like in my mouth.”

Recycle Bin: Loves regurgitating tasting notes but only seems to know a few. Every cigar will either have hints of spice or some sort of chocolate.

“I’m getting some undertones of gardenia… maybe some rooibos.”

The Shackle: The wife or girlfriend who doesn’t smoke but refuses to grant clemency. To mask her extreme jealously/neediness, she may act as though she enjoys the smell of cigars.

What you will hear:

Shackle: “…now I love the smell of cigars but this place is smoky.”

“Look at me, I’m taking a picture with a cigar.”