A while ago, one of my YouTube subscribers asked me to recommend a cigar for after sex. I thought he was being dirty, but I answered him anyway, because I’m that type of girl (yeah, go ahead and judge). Now, here it is months later and I’m on the balcony smoking a Kill Bill, and for some odd reason, I began to pair cigars and sex. Yes, I know, how do you pair that? Well my friend, you pair it accordingly. How was the sex? How long do you want to stick around? Are you smoking alone? Was it the type that wore your ass out, or the type that motivates you to be productive? You see, all of these questions matter. Allow me to explain.
The Mind Blowing sex:
The wind has recently been knocked from your body. In fact, you may be in total shock. “Did that shit really just happen? Did I just experience the best sex of my life? Am I in the movie Inception? Where the fuck is my totem? Should I pay her, thank her, or cry?” These are the questions that you may ask yourself. Because of that, your body cannot handle a full body cigar, hell, you may not even feel like getting out of bed, but you have to. Why? Well, because you’re a cigar smoker, and also because you want to look like a G. You cannot lay there and cuddle like a panzy… you would likely start to say things you don’t mean, think too far ahead into the future, or worse, fall asleep, and give him/her (or better, her/her) the satisfaction of knowing that they just waxed that ass to sleep. Here are some smokes that will allow you to maintain your dignity and cool.
- Davidoff Entreacto – its short, medium bodied, and good. You don’t want to over due it, so stay away from anything over petite size. This will allow you to recap, focus, and plan your next move.
- Davidoff Perfecto – if you’re worried about your manhood, and the Entreacto is too feminine for the occasion, go with the Perfecto, its bigger (that’s what she said), but still medium bodied, and still a quick smoke.
The Makeup Sex:
This is a difficult situation. You don’t know if you want to rekindle, or call it quits, but none of that matters right now because you just had sex, and it was likely good. You need a robusto for this my friend, and you need one quick. Why? Because you need to put on your thinking cap on before you speak. Reflect a little. The strength of the cigar does not matter here, what you need is time.
- La Aurora Preferido – this is a good ass cigar. For me, it’s about a 45 min smoke, if you need more time…
- La Riqueza – again, great cigar, but this one takes a bit longer to smoke. Think my friend, and think hard, you will likely have to have “the talk” when you go back in.
Spending the Night:
If you’re spending the night, this should be a pleasant and worry free smoke. Smoke good my friend.
- Padron 1926 Principe – this little guy is full of flavor, definitely full body, but hey, you’re in a great frame of mind. Make sure you eat a little something though. If you’re a woman, fix him a sandwich. Guys love sandwiches. A good one though, like all the toppings and shit, tons of meat (that’s what she said) and do a pickle or some chips on the side. After he’s finished, bring him a beer. Guaranteed you are one step closer to him loving you.
You can’t even believe what just happened. That shit sucked, you can’t get out of there fast enough. Whether you’re leaving immediately (douchebag, but I understand) or you’re trying to give the impression of courteousness (you’re better than me), you will need a strong cigar for this.
- La Palina Kill Bill – I was somewhat hesitant in recommending this one because the flavor profile is something you need to pay attention too, but you’re likely not in the mood. I understand. At any rate, its strong as shit, it’s a mean smoke, fits the mood.
- Tatuaje Petite Cazadore – if you don’t want to waist a Kill Bill (they’re a bit pricey, and you may not have the attention to denote), the cazadore is perfect. Solid everyday smoke, not too expensive, good, but nothing you should feel bad for not paying attention too.
If your friend smokes cigars, cool, you’ll know what he/she likes. If they don’t however, but just want to be near you, make sure you have dud, or at least something that you won’t feel like you’re wasting.
- Fuente Exquisito – this is a great chick smoke. She’ll like this because it’s small and cute.
- Onyx Reserve – this is great for guys. If you’re a cigar smoking girl, do not give your male friend a cigar that’s smaller than yours! His ego can’t handle it, even though he doesn’t smoke. The Onyx is cheap, a respectable size, and he won’t know whether it’s good or bad.
So yeah, that’s about it guys… pretty sure there’s a lot more situations to pair cigars with, lol, but those are the most common. Hopefully everyone is experiencing the mind-blowing sex today because it’s fucking Sexual Wednesday! Go and do something strange for a piece of change. Kidding… not everybody get’s down how I live, lol, kidding again (or am I?). Smoke good my friends;)